Prolifism or Proliferation

I'm challenging myself to write something new every day, even if it's inconsequential. I think that's the only way to eliminate the last throes of writer's block.

Such a paradox, this artist's continuum between stagefright and vanity. Fellow performance artists will know what I'm talking about. Others might be like, "huh?" In the same way effective writing requires first that you abandon all inhibition about what you write, then later narrow the scope with "taste", so performance requires you to shed your fear of looking bad, but later to look good anyway. Actually socializing's a little like that, too. At first you choose your words carefully out of fear of embarrassment. Later, often mid-college-career and fueled by a couple of drinks you say anything that comes to mind, which can be liberating. You think you're being cool because you're being "straight." Finally, you again choose your words carefully, not because you're afraid of what people will think but because you're sensitive to the needs of people around you.

Hah. Ideally at least. In my case it depends heavily on context, how much sleep I've had the previous night, how much I've had to drink, etc.

But the idea of the "overshare" in blogs is compelling. People who want to put every detail of themselves out there because it's somehow liberating. To me that smacks of the "undergrad college" thing - you're reacting against having to hold your tongue for the first quarter of your life. But oversharing is different than compelling writing, for one key reason: oversharing is by definition about the author. Just like that girl you dared yourself to ask for her number the summer between freshman and sophomore year it's really not about the recipient of your writings-it's about YOU. And a great many blog readers might be willing to humor us while we work out our angst via diary pages open to anyone with a computer, and good for them. What good writing seems to have is ubiquity. A focus turned outward-something that touches a chord in the reader where he/she can say "that's me." When I read great writing it can be self referential, but the author is viewing him/herself in a larger context.

Performance, for me, seems to follow a very similar arc. (And once again it's not like a 12-step program.) From straight up stage fright one progresses to a general ease "being him/herself" in front of the audience. In my case early on that meant a comfort level with showcasing myself-a pretty selfish way of being. Finally, one hopes to achieve a more selfless stage presence where the wall between the performer and audience disappears (or so we pretend) and the entire thing becomes more interactive. That's the goal.

Recognizing that to get to that Shangri-La the artist has to have built up a comfort level being essentially naked in front of the audience goes a long way to explaining the psychology though. It requires a little-not too much-narcicism-a greater than usual willingness to allow people to see aspects of yourself you think are flaws, and finally a willingness to laugh at oneself. So you'll find me weekly onstage at the Needle, practicing the performance end, and-depending on how long I keep it up-daily here on the old blog.